“Nostalgia” is a project that I’ve been developing for a couple of months. Since I knew I had to go to Brazil for a visit, I felt I’d have to prepare myself for what I was going to find after 3 years away. A process of (re) (des)connection that only who emigrates know and feel. A process that, for me, would be more real if I turned it into colors and shapes. In the beginning I thought it’d be easier but I didn’t ignore the fact that it could also be painful. Throughout this series of 4 posters, I found a beautiful, translucent and light way to face the “growth pains”, the pain of changing. Nostalgia, in my conception, is everything that makes me feel that “bittersweetness”, that flavour of revisiting a place that has shaped me but that doesn’t belong to me anymore. It’s still me though. It never stopped being Juliana.
Being in touch with ourselves is a confusing and painful process. A shapeless process, with no set rules - with multiple faces where we walk through the light and shadow all the time and deal with the reflexion of what we once were and what we are now. Since I found that nostalgia can also be suffocating, because I vividly saw everything that suffocated me, everything that controlled me and unconsciously limited me, I’ve allowed myself to get free from all the constant watch that once commanded me. But the anxiety always knows (and has always known!) that something is wrong; it knows how necessary getting out of this spiral was. It keeps being necessary. And even being painful, it’s part of my own truth, my identity. Who I was is still part of who I am today. That’s why, no matter how torturing is, being in contact with this cruel nostalgia makes me always be in contact with my transparent genuineness.
When I was younger I was bullied by being in my own “bubble”. Music was and still is my refuge and I didn’t understand that, I couldn’t see that. And even living as a refugee in lyrics and melodies that used to say so much about my own life, I used to think that music was just music, that it was just my entertainment. Today I can clearly see that music has shaped me for many years and it still defines my form of expression. It was my own influence and former. This “bubble” was necessary in order to make me understand today that music goes far beyond what we hear: music is part not only of my identity but has also helped me to build my artistic and professional path. I’ve been through so many difficult times but since always music has helped me to develop patience and resilience, it’s my comfort and peace of mind and it makes me understand and embrace all the challenges as part of the love that I have for myself.
I’ve always traveled a lot. I used to live in Ribeirão Preto and for so many times I had to go with my parents and sister to São Paulo to visit the rest of my family. The road has always been part of my life since I know myself, literally. It was on the road that I used to spend hours listening to my favorite songs on my way to concerts. It was on the road that I remember quitting learning guitar to learn how to play drums. It was on the road that I found out the passion of being with friends to photograph them in many many different destinations with their bands. It was on the road that I was drunk for the first time, that I got my first tattoo, that I reflected about who I am for so many times. I think I never really realized how much the road was a propellant to make me fell in love with traveling so much. I have many different road stories and each one of them reveal a bit more of who I am. Sitting in a car, in a van or in a bus will always be a reason for being nostalgic and reflexive.
I always had this magnetism about Portugal. I don’t know if it’s the language, I don’t know if it’s life itself. But from the very first minute that I stepped in here until today, I feel that Lisbon is where I belong - at least for a while, at least for now. It’s where real dreams get mixed with the illusory ones. But every one of them seem possible - and they all end up happening. It’s the city of the Moon and the Sun, that shelters me inside the bubble of the freedom and contemplates me with the tsunami of emotions. Here I feel nostalgia in my skin, as if I was here before, as if I already knew the people that I got to know here. A nostalgia of recurring dreams, those dreams where I afraidly move towards the unknown but with the certainty of being safe because it’s a dream. And it is a dream. It’s a good dream.
“Nostalgia” is a project that I’ve been developing for a couple of months. Since I knew I had to go to Brazil for a visit, I felt I’d have to prepare myself for what I was going to find after 3 years away. My process of (re)(des)connection in colors.
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